Sick To My Stomach!

About 7 years ago James and I were given some information about an adoption agency here in the states.  I called the agency and got all the information on starting the adoption process.  I created a notebook about our family complete with pictures and letters about why we wanted another child and why we would be a wonderful choice for a birth mother.  I spent a lot of time making sure everything was perfect.  I also called and got information on starting a home study.  All the preliminary paperwork was sent to us. 

After getting the family notebook completed, I was contacted by the agency.  They told me there was a baby that would be born soon and they wanted to present the birth mother with our information.  They asked if we had sent our things off.  I told them that everything was ready and I would get it mailed off right away.  I packaged everything and drove to the post office.  Then I sat in the post office parking lot.  For over an hour.  I felt completely sick and could NOT get myself to go inside and mail the package.  I couldn’t figure out why I felt that way when we had felt so many positive feelings about adopting.  It didn’t make sense to me, but I trusted my feelings and left the post office with the package sitting on the passenger seat.  I never called and set up a home study appointment and the family notebook has been in my file cabinet ever since.

Family Notebook

A couple of years later we were given information about foster care in Utah.  We were made aware that there was a huge need for foster parents within our state.  We talked to our kids about it, and they responded positively.  We knew we would be able to take care of additional children and provide a safe and loving home.  However, again… whenever I would go to move forward on fostering children it just didn’t feel right.  I couldn’t figure out why, but I trusted my feelings and postponed foster care.

Fast forward to August 2012… Although I had stopped thinking about adopting or fostering (I’d grown completely content with my life and my current family and figured we would likely never adopt), I opened an email about a hosting program and knew immediately that I needed to host very specific orphans.  There was no doubt that I needed to meet these kids, no feeling sick, no hesitation.  I simply moved forward.

We enjoyed almost 4 weeks with Albina and Alina and it became more and more evident that the Lord had directed us to THESE children.  It became clear that Albina, Alina and Maks are the children meant to join our family.  Everything led us to this moment and this purpose: to have Albina, Alina & Maks become OUR children… for me to become their Mama.

Our silly family

 Now that they are gone I’ve started to get sick to my stomach.  I get sick to my stomach because I don’t know if we’ll be able get the money necessary to adopt and bring these children home.  I get sick to my stomach because I am afraid that I will work really hard at fundraising, blogging and adoption paperwork and it just won’t be enough.  I get sick to my stomach because I am fearful that after yearning for these kids, MY kids, I will be short the money to get to Ukraine, take them in my arms and bring them safely home.  I get sick to my stomach because I don’t want to lose my kids… I don’t want to live without them.  I ache for the day that I will hear them call me Mama again.

We are coming to some pivotal points in our adoption process.  We are getting to the point where we either have the money to continue moving full speed ahead, or we put on the brakes.  I don’t like the idea of putting on the brakes.  Putting on the brakes means that I won’t be reunited with my kids very soon.  Putting on the brakes means stopping… and I don’t want to stop.  I want to RUN!

Not everyone is led to adopt children like we have been. We know that we were prepared to meet these kids and welcome them into our home.  We know that they are meant to join our family.  Our family can do a lot to bless the lives of these kids… but unfortunately, we can’t do everything.

We are looking for help.  We are looking for support.  We are looking for a community of people to come together and help us raise the funds necessary to bring these kids home.  Not in a week, or a month or a year… but NOW. 

We need help now! 

Every single day counts.  Each day we postpone affects our timeline tremendously!  The difference of one day could potentially postpone our reunion by weeks and even months.

And remember: Every dollar counts!  If everyone that had ever viewed this blog donated $10-$20 we would be more than finished with our fundraising.  It’s really that simple.  We just need a lot of people to donate a little… 

And I wouldn’t be getting sick to my stomach anymore.